Here's the running order and eulogy from mum's funeral ENTRANCE MUSIC Just For You By Lionel Richie WELCOME and INTRODUCTION By Bernadette French Good afternoon everyone and a warm welcome to West Herts Crematorium and to the service in celebration of the life of Valerie Bowman fondly known by everyone as Val. My name is Bernadette and it will be an honour and privilege to conduct today’s service. Today is not an easy day for Val’s family and friends as we gather to say our final goodbyes to Val, a loving and committed mother and grandmother, steadfast and loyal colleague and friend who has been lost to us. But in the midst of the sadness of losing a loved one, let us remember with gratitude the wonderfully full and varied years that Val shared with us. Let us recall her as a quite remarkable woman who sought and treasured the love she shared with her family and friends and the community in which she lived and worked. For all of you here today, Val was a devoted and loyal friend, with whom you all shared her pain and difficulties as well as her joys. Most importantly however, she will be remembered for her zest for life, always looking forward to participating in the many exciting things, which she planned with and for her family and friends. Everyone is warmly invited to the Black Boy Public House for light refreshments, but most importantly to talk about Val and exchange stories about her, of which I am sure there will be many. There will also be a memories book, which you are invited to sign. Charitable donations in aid of the Hospice of St Francis will be greatly received. POEM The Dash (slight adaptation) By Linda Ellis I would now like to begin today’s service with a n adapted version of the beautiful and well known poem by Linda Ellis, ‘The Dash’. THE DASH I read of a person, who stood to speak at a funeral of a friend, He referred to the dates of her life from beginning to the end. He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth, and now, only those who loved her know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard; Are there things you would like to change? For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough to consider what is true and real, and always try to understand the way other people feel. And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more, and love the people in our lives like we have never loved before. If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while. So when your eulogy is being read with your life’s actions to rehash… Would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash? EULOGY By Bernadette Born on 30th July 1951 in Portsmouth, Val was the second child of five to parents Donald and Joan Ayling. Growing up Val shared a bedroom with her sister, Mary who recalled that on one occasion she must have annoyed her older sister because Val took a ball of string and wound it round the legs of the furniture to divide the room up so she had her bit and Mary had hers. Later in life they became the very best of friends, sharing holidays in some lovely places. They discovered some special places together, in particular the Church of St Martha on the Hill. Val worked very hard at school and showed an interest in Biochemistry. She attended the University of London and in 1972, having been sponsored by the Home Office, gained a PHD at Loughborough University where she met her future husband, Roger. They were staying in the same Halls of Residence with Roger’s course finishing 3 weeks after Val’s began. Roger spotted this somewhat serious, calm girl with the slight smile and the almond eyes and made a beeline for her. They clicked and in those next 3 weeks there was much table tennis and a weekend away camping. They were engaged in New Year 1974 and married in 1975. Val’s mother and friends ran the catering, a local sea captain managed the team of helpers and the Curate who married them said they both enjoyed venturing into the unknown! Having honeymooned mostly under canvas near Salzburg, Roger and Val settled down to married life in their first house, one that had been a bachelor pad rented by Roger and his friends. It took Val several weeks to degrease it! Val’s first post graduate job was researching birth control in the Women’s Hospital in Birmingham. A perk of the job was once a quarter to bring home a huge rabbit from the research programme, which she cooked like a chicken. Val went on to write several papers, which were published or presented at conferences. Socially, Val got to know Roger’s friends at Dunlop Research, having enjoyed a weekend away with them camping. Firm friendships were forged on this and Val, who was a very good cook in the Delia style, held frequent dinner parties for which she became renowned. She made the most complex recipes, which were always amazing the first time round. In the years to follow, Val would take the best part of a year to decide which dining room table to buy ‘because it’s the heart of the home’, even if it meant having to take the front door off, to get it in! The couple were soon blessed with three lovely children, Katherine. Richard and Tom. Although it was a challenging time, Val rose to the occasion and loved being a stay- at -home mum during the early years. She had strong family values, always there for her children, putting her kindness and creativity to good use, helping out at school sewing costumes for plays, being part of the school committee, helping children with their reading, and running school fetes and quizzes. In1984 the family moved to Leverstock Green for more space as the children were growing and there were memorable family holidays staying in cottages and trailer tents in England and Brittany. Val amazingly found time to enjoy her hobbies and develop her creative talents. She attended woodwork evening classes and found this a great release, recalling her brother, Richard’s advice to ‘measure twice, cut once’. She was talented at cross stitch and was also a very competent pianist, accompanying Roger on the great violin slow movements in private, and in sentimental Geordie Ballads at parties! She also loved playing Badminton regularly on a Friday evening and particularly enjoyed socialising with the group with meals out and Christmas get togethers. By the late 80’s, after a love of being in a school environment, Val had returned to the workforce as a Chemistry Lab Technician. However she soon found that she was underutilised given her background in research, and so moved on to Industrial Lab Development, quickly advancing her career with Diversey and Jeyes, before becoming a buyer for Tesco. She finally returned to her Biochemistry roots as Head of the Fingerprint Research Team at the Home Office, postponing retirement to finish a manual she led. Colleagues, Helen and Lesley, paid this tribute to her; “She made an immediate impression on the team, and very quickly demonstrated her passion for building a strong and cohesive team and delivering quality Science- a great leader who knew how to have fun and motivate staff – inspirational in this respect. During her time with the Home Office Val made a significant contribution to the field of fingerprints within the UK and internationally and was the inspiration behind the ‘Fingermark Visualisation’ Manual. Even after retirement she spent a further 9 months working on the Manual to ensure its completion- testament to her unwavering dedication and drive. The manual continues to receive praise both within UK Policing and abroad, used in more than 35 countries to date. “ Friend Sue spoke of the London survey on Margueritas with Val, her sense of fun and their return to the winner to celebrate! Lorraine has fond memories of trips to France, countryside walks and Val being a great asset to any quiz team. Friend of 25 years, Carol said ‘no matter how many wonderful tributes you receive, they will still not come close to the person that was your Mum, Val!’ Her friend Jane said, ‘she had the courage of her convictions and with her fierce intelligence could often see a solution to a problem or challenge before others”. Sadly during the 1990’s, the marriage to Roger came to an end and it was a difficult time for everyone. However there were good times ahead and together Roger and Val rarely differed in how their children should be brought up, with love but with clear boundaries. Val’s strength and independence was a huge inspiration to her children She never showed any signs of being daunted about the prospect of looking after the them after separation from Roger. They continued to enjoy holidays with Val, she got new jobs to progress her career and moved house (and loved decorating). Val set a shining example to all who knew her with her mantra of ‘anything is possible’ and ‘make a bold decision, stick with it’. Val always took great pride in her home, an open house to friends and family. She would often fondly remember counting the pairs of shoes in the hallway to work out how many people had stayed over! Val continued to live life to the full life, in her beloved St Albans, with family and friends, throwing parties for every conceivable occasion, the bigger the better, but always with a personal touch, taking care over food, dress code or theme. Of course they were always accompanied with a never ending supply of Lionel Richie music. She cooked the best roasts in the world with her friend, Hugh saying, “they were the best EVER!” and made two incredible wedding cakes from her trusty Delia cookbook. Kew Garden Concerts were great favourites, and Easter and Christmas Entertainments never failed to deliver an enormous amount of fun for everyone; ‘eggy pathy bally rolly’ a traditional Easter game), ‘I’m a Lionel Richie Fan, Get Me Out of Here’, Crystal Maze, and ‘Deal or no Meal!’ Without question or doubt, Val placed the highest value on her family and friends She had a broad spectrum when it came to travel; loved day trips and picnics, seaside weeks away sometimes with sister Mary or her lovely friend Ruth, City breaks with all her children, driving holiday to France in the Convertible Beetle through to a fantastic trip to Thailand in 2001 with her daughter, Katherine. In fact the last thing Val talked about with her daughter, in the hospice was about their elephant ride through the tropical rain forest. She was a fantastic grandma to her three grandchildren, Tommy, Sadie, and Emily and was actually present at the birth of her second grandchild, Sadie, where Val was the first to shout out, ‘it’s a girl’, and was a huge support throughout, something Katherine will never forget, living as far away from her mother as Australia. Auntie to lots and great auntie to lots and lots, Val was always able to make children laugh and always had ideas for games, craft, or building camps when they visited her house. There was always some knitting on the go for one of the little ones. Family often got an update, ‘I’ve finished one sleeve and the back!” Quite often she’d have finished all the pieces just put off the assembly- since she hated sewing them together at the end! As everyone here today, is fully aware, Val fought a very brave battle against cancer, having been diagnosed some 9 years ago. She was admired by all who knew her for her ability to take each day in her stride as she calmly and capably tackled challenges head on, with the love and support of family and friends. Selfless and considerate despite everything she went through, she always remembered special occasions with thoughtful and generous acts of kindness. Val always made a concerted effort to keep in touch with everyone she knew determined to remain positive and cheerful. She maintained her outrageous sense of alternative fun. As Rich said, ‘some of our most fun times would be Christmases making our own fun, crying with laughter; unique experiences which no one can replace or take away. Val astounded all who knew her, with her courage and bravery. She never saw herself as a victim and talked to the most senior of Doctors as equals, deciding on what her treatment should be. Fiercely independent, although Val took time to accept help from carers and cleaner, once she had done so, they became her best friends and confidantes. She was determined to make Rich’s and Lia’s wedding and was fit enough not only to make their wedding cake but to walk down the isle. That meant so much to Rich and Val. Some people make such a difference in our lives by simply being who they are. They make the world a better place and when they are gone, we realise how lucky we are to have known them. Val was such a lady. All were privileged to know her, family, friends and colleagues alike. Each life, touches the world in a way no others can, leaving not only wonderful memories but lasting imprints in our hearts, and Val’s life, will, without question or doubt do exactly that. REFLECTION MUSIC Fields of Gold By Eva Cassidy As a tribute to Val, let us now listen to some music, a song from Eva Cassidy, ‘Fields of Gold’. As we do so, you may like to remember Val as you turn your the pages of your memories like a book, reflecting upon the very special and memorable times you all spent with her over the passage of time. COMMITTAL We will shortly say our goodbyes to Val so take a few moments for your own personal quiet reflection. Tenderly and reverently we commit Val’s body to its natural end, in sadness and in sorrow, but without fear, with love and appreciation. We are grateful for the life that has been lived, and for all that life has meant to us. We are glad Val lived. We are glad we saw her face and felt the pressure of her hand. We cherish the memories of her words, her deeds and her character. We will always cherish the memories of her as a kind and generous mother, grandmother and loyal steadfast friend and colleague. Let us take comfort in the knowledge that Val will always reside in the hearts and the minds of her loved ones. Though no longer a visible part of your lives, she still remains a much loved member of your family and your circle of friends, through her influence and the special part she played in all of your lives. CLOSING WORDS We have almost reached the end of our service now, and I would like to thank Val’s family once more for the privilege of conducting the ceremony for Val. First and foremost she will be remembered as a loving, generous and devoted mother and grandmother as well as a loyal friend. In her personal life, she was truly inspirational, bright and cheerful, and never once shrunk from the efforts life demanded of her. As we leave the chapel listening to Lionel Richie and ‘Dancing on the Ceiling’, let us remember Val, who leaves behind a long legacy of kindness, commitment, love and enduring respect. For so it is today that we grieve the loss of Val who during her lifetime, has given so much to so many, leaving an indelible mark on those whose lives she touched. She truly made a difference to the lives of many. EXIT MUSIC Dancing on the Ceiling Lionel Richie

Thank you for setting up this memorial to Valerie Bowman. We hope that you find it a positive experience developing the site and that it becomes a place of comfort and inspiration for you to visit whenever you want or need to.

I am I and you are you, whatever we were to each other that we still are. Speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it ever was.